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Kick-Ass Woman

Forget the celebrities! There are so many provocative, fascinating, Real Life women running around who can inspire us. That’s why I’ve decided, every once in a while on my blog, I’m going to recognize one these fine individuals. For my very first Kick-Ass Woman Blog, I’d like to introduce you to a feisty, out-spoken, break-the-mold and be your-best-self kind of a broad – Alena.

Alena

I’ve never met Alena in person. She is a friend of a friend on Facebook. That said, I always get a kick out of her posts. Last week, I got sucked into an online conversation about what women look for in men, and what men look for in women.

The whole subject of dad bod’s came up and a couple of the woman agreed that’s what they like best.

dadbod

Have you heard about this, women preferring men with middle-of-the road bodies? This got me all irritated and riled up. How sad it is for us poor women, we never hear about men wanting mom bods. WE don’t get full admiration from men or women unless we are the “ideal.”

 

That’s when Alena piped in with her comments about herself:

I’m a gray haired- 40 yr old, size 14…… I also have smaller tah-tahs and short hair- so by beauty standards everything I “am” is a “no”…. Guess what? Idgaf what the standard is. I’m doing me– and I’m happy as can be- and those who like my kind of “me” let me know. And I don’t hate on my beautiful sisters- skinny or big boobed- long hair- or large and in charge – hell, go-girl, just as happy for them….Empower. Close the magazines- turn off the TV + stop comparing! Vanity is the best way to suck people into their products and make millions- be smarter than that!

How do you not immediately love her?! That is the kind of attitude that changes the landscape. If we love ourselves as we are, other people’s opinions on the subject become irrelevant. Personally, I like long hair, frilly dresses, and lots of lip gloss (even if it only stays on for a total of five minutes…at best.) But that’s the whole point. It’s ok to dress and cut our hair however we like it best. This is a liberated country and we can wear a push-up bra or let them hang free, die our hair blonde, or purple, or go au-natural.

If more of us would take advantage of this freedom and truly adopt Alena’s attitude, the glossy mags would accommodate a wider range of women, our daughters would grow-up stronger and women overall would feel a whole lot better about themselves.

Thanks for your posts Alena. You are my Real Life Kick-Ass Woman!

Occasional Warrior

I wrote up a brilliant blog last week to post today on self esteem. I had a great opening line. Some women are born with it, some women take a hundred thousand years to develop it. I talked about all the great progress I have made in the past year.

Then I got an email from someone mocking my newfound warrior status in a way that seemed to imply I was a fraud. I felt immediately broken, all my words about self-esteem and growth were a big fat pathetic lie. I was still a scared little girl on the inside who worries about everything.

That ugly inner voice in my head starts up in weak moments, telling me I’m not smart enough, not talented enough, I don’t work hard enough, I don’t try hard enough, and then it gets worse. I start thinking of terrifying scenarios. What if my kids want to leave me and go live with their father full-time? Why would my kids ever want to be with me, when I’m just the mother with an anxiety disorder who takes too many naps and makes them eat vegetables every night and limits their screen time?

Just the other day I had an anxious meltdown about my soon-to-be published book. What if it totally sucks? What if people read it and hate it, or worse, are too bored to finish it? What if, G-d forbid, it ends up in the free book bin at the library!!!

Eventually, after crying to my mother, several girlfriends, and finally my boyfriend, I pulled myself back together. It also didn’t hurt that my guy texted me this picture and message, which made me tear up all over again:

Ro and Jordan

 

No matter what happens with your book…we love you…we appreciate your work…we believe you are beautiful…and you will always be our celebrity.

 

It made me feel infinitely better and it also made me think, who wants to be a twenty-four-hour warrior anyway? That would be a complete pain in the ass.

Here’s what I do know for sure. We are works in progress. Some days we are warriors and some days we are wusses. What matters is, deep down we learn to love ourselves and behave as if we believe in ourselves.

My wish for all the women out there is to believe in your bones these simple truths: We don’t have to be the sweetest, or the cutest, or the most accomplished to be valuable. We just need to do our best, be good people, love ourselves, and expect the best for ourselves. We deserve that. We are worthy.

Do you agree? What is your truth?

Home

house pic

My house is growing! It’s starting to look like a real home.

To honor this momentous event, and preserve something special under the skin, I wanted the special people who will be spending the most time here  to write their names in permanent marker on the wood of the house.

heart pic

 

Soon it will be sealed with drywall and paint. Soon it will look like an ordinary kitchen. For me, I will always know that Josh, Alex, Lana, Jacob, Jordan, Rolando, and me, beat in the heart of the bones of this home.

boys at house pic

Ro & JacobJordan house

Cover Reveal

It’s finally time! I get to share with you all my book cover for Kingston Court. For those of you who aren’t writers, an author’s book is like one of their children. This may sound silly, but getting to show you the cover feels a whole lot like sending out my boys’ first baby pics. I know I’m biased, but I think it’s beautiful and perfect.

 

Kingston-Court-Larger-Cover

 

What do you think???

Confession

I am a material girl. Not Manolo Blahnik shoes or luxury vacations kind of high maintenance (although I wouldn’t turn them down.) But… a pedicure every three weeks, brow waxes, regular haircuts and color, expensive makeup and name-brand dresses, feel like a necessity. I can spot a knock-off purse or a bad pair of jeans in an instant, and it gives me anxiety.

Sometimes I feel ashamed of this. I want to be someone I admire, someone less superficial with better values, someone who doesn’t fall prey to the marketing world’s messages of what a woman needs to do to feel pretty.

Other times I think, what the hell. I want to look exactly how I want to look. If I was born on a little house on the prairie, I would still want to sew the prettiest dresses and run around in the tall grass to make them spin.

spinning girl

I just happen to be born in the right body, at the right time, in the right country. As long as wearen’t hurting anybody, what’s wrong with embracing who we are?

The truth is, it doesn’t matter. As I go through this transition in my life, I can no longer afford to buy whatever I want. If I am going to build a solid foundation for my future, I need to buckle down. It’s time to paint my own nails, pass that perfect Free People dress taunting me from the hanger, and say “No thank you,” to that gorgeous new shade of lip-gloss shimmering behind the counter.

Like a weak woman lifting weights each day, gradually I will become stronger. We become disciplined with practice. This is my hope anyhow, because the 80’s are long gone, and this material girl needs to live with her rules for 2015.

Just don’t ask me to give up the scented candles and lotions or the occasional purchase of best-selling books from Barnes & Noble. That’s where I draw the line. That would be asking too much.

What can’t you resist splurging on???

I Choose Hope!

My life is beginning to feel more and more like I’m a character from my novel, Kingston Court…. a divorced mother of two discovering my new path. As most divorcees will tell you, it hasn’t been fun.

My children and ex-husband greatly resented my choices for quite some time. We sold the family home we loved in Northern California, and my boys and I moved into a small apartment near friends and family in Southern California. It took months to learn to fall asleep alone when something went bump in the night.

Of course there’s also the joy of working out child custody arrangements, spousal support, child support and dividing up all of your material possessions.

There is good stuff though, the thick threads of silver linings. After a year on my own now, I am dating an incredible man who loves me just the way I am, I’m growing my content editing career, releasing a debut novel, and now….I’m buying a house. This house thing is perhaps the boldest step I have taken so far. I want my boys to have an unwavering place to call home and buying something nice in San Diego was going to be a stretch. So I opted for Henderson, Nevada instead. Real estate is still undervalued throughout the state, it’s a great place to do business (no state income taxes), Josh and Alex love Vegas, and my honey lives in Henderson.

Holly House Pic

As a single mom, it feels like an enormous commitment, but I am fortunate enough to be able to afford it, and I believe it will lay the foundation for our new life. Just like Samantha and Natalie in Kingston Court, I have decided to make choices based on hope rather than fear. The builder recently poured the cement pad for the house and it’s only a matter of time before sticks are in the air and framing will be in full swing. In the meantime I have countertops, flooring, cabinetry, and much more to select. This is my grand new adventure and I will keep you posted on my journey. What big steps you have taken lately toward new beginnings?

Welcome!

Welcome to my new website. Graphic artist, Lisa Work, and I have put a lot of time and love into this beautiful site, along with the help of a whole lot of feedback from my generous Facebook friends. Thank you for all of your help and thanks for visiting!

hkammier.com is the first step in launching the release of my debut novel, Kingston Court. A modern twist between Desperate Housewives and Sex and the City, I wrote this book for my girlfriends and I can’t wait to share it with you ladies – and guys too, if you like gossip, mommy drama, dating, and strong women.

I will be blogging about once a week with all the latest. Just this month, my daughter-from-another-mother, Jessica Gillman, gathered up her girlfriends from the La Jolla, Jewish Community Center junior theater and acted out fun scenes from the book.  She is going to edit all their hard work and give me a copy of her directorial debut to post here on the blog. Here’s a pic of the girls who play junior versions of some of the main Kingston Court characters.

20150413_164052

The cute boy in the front is my son Josh. He was asked to act out the part of Cameron Chase,  leading lady, Samantha Chase’s husband. From left to right, these are the characters the girls are playing: Jess, Beth, Natalie Delisse, Inna, Jamie, Samantha Chase, and a Kingston Court neighbor.

~Holly

 

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